Facebook Relationships

My friend and longtime facebook wifey of 5 years dumped me two night ago... in all seriousness, I'm handling it fine..... the children will have to learn to cope though.

To clarify, wifey wanted to make clear to her coworkers that we are not in any sort of real domestic partnership, because those are legal now, but they weren't when we first got facebook "engaged."

Thanks to M for 5 great years!

On Love, In Sadness- Part Deux

Tonight I learned that my friends, who had been dating for 6 years total, engaged for a year, have split up. It was pretty shocking for a few reasons. First of all, it just sucks. It sucks when your friend ends a serious relationship, especially with someone they planned to spend their life with. Secondly, it sucks because it happened to two of my friends. I was friends with both parties before the two got together and I could never imagine having to give up my friendship with either of them. That being said, they live several hundred miles away, so we didn't have the opportunity for weekly poker games that might regularly bring up this awkwardness. More importantly, what do I say to them?

What happened between them is their business and I respect that. It seems that they reached a point where they realized that getting married would frustrate them more than make them happy. That is a tough decision to come to, no matter how much you know it's the right thing to do. I'm so proud of them for being adults and figuring things out before going ahead with a wedding, as I'm sure a lot of people do, with the divorce rate being what it is today. I love them both, no matter what. No party fouls here!

So where does that leave us, the friends? One of my friends pointed out, they seemed like a sure thing, a "role model" of a couple that gave you hope you could have something special. My mind immediately went there too, to a quote from a season 6 episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when Xander leaves Anya at the altar. Buffy and her friends try to make sense of the situation and she says, "I thought they were my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess it was just a train..." So if this is what being a grown up is like, I wouldn't mind going back to being a kid for a day.

Dear Dudes: Tips to be a Cool Guy

I have to preface this list by explaining that Java and I just had a little prezzie exchange and we both got each other Mindy Kaling's Is Everybody Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other concerns), and we love Mindy. We totally want to be her friend. In one of her chapters, she gives a list called "Guys Need to Do Almost Nothing to Be Great." I felt so inspired to share my own list based on personal experiences and observations.

DO call/text/e-mail/send a flare 1x a day...
If you do not live with your lady paramour. It doesn't have to be a big thing. A simple, "Hey! I'm alive" will do, although "thinking of you" is always preferred.

DO try some outgoing things
One karaoke song won't kill you. A duet could be fun.Ten songs might make you a jerk. And always refrain from stealing the mic from others.

DO answer as honestly (and sometimes tactfully) as possible
You will know when this sort of situation arises.

DO agree to go with her to that concert/watch that movie
Dirty Dancing is a classic. When you see the hungry eyes scene, you will understand why Baby needs to leave the corner. She will appreciate you being there during the sweet, slow, love ballad. You will get back tenfold what effort you put into these thoughtful things, or as my friend said at the end of a John Mayer concert, "I bet a lot of babies will be made tonight." Anybody got a 3 and a half year old? I rest my case.

DO make an effort to meet/socialize with her friends
If the friends do not approve you or see that you make her happy, things are headed for a Gossip-girl like catastrophe. You know what I mean-hair pulling, yelling, public deceit, crashing into fountains. This can all be avoided if we play nice.

Don't spend all your time doing impressions/talking in weird voices
I'm not dating Sacha Baron Cohen for this very reason. Being funny is important. Having a normal conversation is more important.

Don't follow her around when she's pissed at you
This applies to all female relationships. She will only be more mad that you can't leave her alone. Let her go talk out the stupid thing(s) you did (leaving the toilet seat up, hitting on her sister, wearing a speedo to her family BBQ- dude- really?) and let her tell you when she is ready to address you.

Think carefully. Don't be a smartass. Until next time!

My Boys - In Support of the "Harry Met Sally" rules

I ahve finally finished watching the "first" season of my boys. Officially its the first half of the first season, but each chunk was separated by a year, so i consider it two entirely different seasons. I can now reflect accurately on what what main message of the all-too-short series were.

Here's what I got from the MY BOYS:

As a girl, you cannot be "just friends" with a guy, or group of them. Billy Crystal's voice is echoing in my head, so say it with me now, "Men and women cannot be friends. Sex always gets in the way." See my comments about When Harry Met Sally for more on this theory.

WAZZUP - PJ and Brando
PJ may not be a girly girl. She's a sports writer, she hosts nearly every poker night/sports viewing event. But she still has feelings. In a classic example of the WHMS rule, she makes a huge point of telling the guys how in college, Brandon kissed her and "wazzup"ed her the next day. For those of you that are unsure if you've been "wazzup"ed after a potential romantic moment, you probably have been. In PJ's case, Brandon walked by her in the libray the day after making out with her, simply saying "wazzup" and quickly walking away. He then for years denied the event and following wazzup, pretending he had been skiing that day. So yes, if you're totally blown off after a potentially romantic situation, you've been "wazzup"ed for sure. If you are indeed involved with a Brandon, he may suddenly admit to said wazzup, kiss you, ask you out on a potentially awkward date, then pack his bags and move out of your guest room. As an earlier and important plot note, Brandon basically called off his wedding after PJ pointed out his on-again/off-again girlfriend Wendy was not letting him take part in his own wedding, and would probably not let him live his life. Wendy also wouldn't let PJ be the best man. Not cool.


Stephanie and Kenny
From the first episode, or maybe second, we can clearly see that PJ's sassy and more sophisticated friend Stephanie (sorry no videos available to demonstrate my point here) has intense disdain for Kenny. But by the time everyone comes back from Bobby's not wedding to Elsa the nanny, we find out they've been secretly dating.Kenny is the 100% opposite guy from Stephanie's usual types- bankers, Gregg from business affairs, etc.. but their secret relationship got the best of them. Suddenly they're a couple and all the years of snide comments and tension goes away.

And in a whole different level, we have PJ and Bobby. Another post on this to follow.

Age Does Indeed Ruin Relationships

Happened to come across two vaguely related articles about age today, one relating to older dudes scamming on younger girls (NOT A FAN- CRADLE ROBBERS BEWARE) and the idea of having a financial age (I'm gonna go with 14 for me). Thoughts? How do these topics wrek havoc on relationships (or lack thereof?)

Why do dudes go after younger women (instead of appreciating women on their level?) MarieClaire's Rich says:
Younger Women Seem Happier
I Feel Smart
Girls Grow Up Faster Than Boys
I Know It Won't Work Out
It's Sick and Twisted, but Guys Like Innocence

My response- grow up and grow a pair!
Read more: Dating Younger Women - Why Men Like Younger Women - Marie Claire

As for finances, we're strangely looping back to the topic above. Dudes ofter have slower (read socially retarded) view of money and finance (unless they're bankers or accountants or something). It seems that buying that new 50 inch TV or PS3 or giant comfy LAZY Boy chair is more appealing than starting a savings account.... this is something I will never understand, and I totally accept it. I'm not saying I'm 40 and totally a financial stick in the mud, but I feel that in my early 20s I have a good reel on my financial responsibility. I can spend money going out with friends, buying some new clothes, paying my bills, incidentals (WISDOM TEETH REMOVAL- yes, I love not having dental insurance!), and not be flat out broke (saving money).

So I'm going to raise my previous view of my financial age (14) to 18. I feel I have the solid view of a college freshman. 20-Nothing Jessie brings up another topic in her blog post (can you date outside of your professional (and monetary) progress for long? I'm not sure quite honestly. Nobody wants to date someone with no motivation who's always scrounging for change while you're trying to save up to take a vacation (AKA you are the 'Independent Woman' Destiny's Child was calling out to. Throw your hands up at me)!

Maybe this is why 20-somethings are so discontented. There isn't a level playing field yet. Maybe this is why dudes go after younger girls- they're intimidated by a woman with a job and a hope for professional advancement because their role of provider is gone (and they're too young to resign to being trophy husbands or stay at home dads). It still sucks, and its lonely on the rise up the ladder.

Just a thought.

Does Age Difference Ruin Relationships?

My thought- yes.

Take this poll. Guess which way I voted. I also think Sean Penn dating ScarJo is kinda gross, like Calista and Harrison.

Thoughts About Other People's Thoughts About Relationships

Nothing like McDreamy lamenting about his love for ferry boats to make me hope there might be a happy ending out there. Oh, Meredith just made a voiceover speech about lines, and how we shpuld have them and they shouldn't be crossed, then she tounged mcDreamy in the elevator. I can't honstly blame her, but she does have a point. Lines are good, and yes they sometimes isolate us, but if we don't know they're there, are we at fault for crossing them?

But nonetheless, through my own relationship pain- which is still too fresh to talk about, its fun to analyze other people's takes on relationships between ladies and dudes. Marie Claire blogger Rich just wrote a post about how he has a cadre of girl friends. Notice the space between the two words. we have girl, followed by friend, but not related to it. There is an intentional space that makes all the difference. It keeps feelings out, it keeps people in, and sometimes against their rational judgment. Ok, this may be colored a bit with my recent feelings. He lists the way his friends, his "editors" help him choose clothes, talk to (or talk like a coherent person) to girls, etc...

Now while all girls have this crucial support system to analyze guys (because if we didn't, we would have even less of a clue what they're talking about), I'm not sure it works when one of the people is a dude. First of all, it is a warning sign to a girl when she meets a dude with too many lady friends. Oftentimes, these friendship lines are blurry and there's always going to be jealousy. And if you're constantly managing what a dude says, and how he dresses, and he hasn't run screaming into the hills, you are involved in a relationship (albeit a possibly unhealthy one).

And although more evidence seems to suggest to me that men and women cannot be friends (see When Harry Met Sally). Why? Because if a dude can tolerate having coffee with you, listening to you complain about your boss, and makes fun of your horrible bowling game, and he doesn't want to date you but he still talks to you, you have a ticking time bomb.

So I also enjoyed readying the 20 Nothings take on dating by drinking style, or rather, drinking styles that doom relationships. In Jessie's take, many drinking styles will end a relationship. Perhaps she's got a point. Drinking plays a huge part in 20-something relationships. I recently had a friend that was going on a first date with a non drinker. she wsn't sure where tbhey would start. the date wnt fine, but he never called her again. In my opinion, a first date is an optimal time to have a drink to get past those "soo do you ... (insert random topic) questions."

This episode (episode 2) of Greys is coming to an end. Meredith agreed to let George and Izzy move in (breaking down her barriers), but she refuses to cross the line with McDreamy (for a few more episodes, at least). If only things were that simple.

I'm Taking Back Java's Apology to the Gents

Let me begin by saying I'm sure there are nice guys out there somewhere. In my experience, I've seen them. They date your friends sometimes and they're nice to you. But most of those princely looking dudes end up being frogs. My buddy Java recently wrote an apology on behalf of women to dudes because of the crazy advice Cosmo gives about "signs your man might be cheating," pointed out by Cracked.com.

But given my recent dealings (haha- as if adult men actually deal with their issues head-on), with dudes being shifty and LYING, I tend to think they have it coming- ball clamps and all.

For instance, the shifty Peter Florrick on CBS's "The Good Wife," (played by the endearing but almost un-loveable a-hole referred to as Mr. Big) not only cheated on his wife in a horrible scandal that sent him to jail and her struggling to provide for their kids, but he redeemed himself, plead for her to take him back, and now we find out the jerk had a one night thing with his lead investigator. Said investigator Kalinda has since then became one of his wife's closest friends and confidantes. That's messed up. It's great TV, but it's messed up.

Anyway back to magazine advice:
An article from The Gloss suggested that as a society we take female infidelity more seriously than male infidelity, almost like, o well it's a guy, we can't expect him to do any better. Well its not 1960 anymore- so let's get some perspective. Deciect and liying in relationships should always be NOT expected, and its not cool. So begin duped still hurts, regardless of gender. And ther duper should feel that pain. As the article suggests, men cheat more for sex and women cheat more for intimacy.

Fine, that sounds reasonable. But at the same time I have to bring up the fact that more and more dudes today are stuck in this unattractive, childish non-adult, Peter Pan mindset. This is not an excuse for cheating, but if I was dating a dude who was constantly acting like he was 12 instead of 24, and I met another guy who actually got up in the morning, went to a job, didn't spend hours playing video games, and called when he said he would, then I could see wanting to get out of the former relationship. On the complete other hand, immature guys seem to flock to younger girls - so they can be on he same level. (SEE FRED)

In a more "lets keep a less crazy perspective on cheating, but recognize its still bad" article, Marie Claire's resident dude blogger Rich presented "Signs He's Cheating" in February. Read this, not the Cosmo piece. Rich, who seems like a nice, normal guy, breaks it down for a guys side. But after that, feel free to go all Carrie Underwood on his car- its a lesson he may never forget.

Tired of Being Listed

In a very long (but condensed story), I have to have my wisdom teeth pulled. I don't have dental insurance through work- and to add to the greatness, I can only afford to have two (the most hurting ones) pulled now. Why is this important? Because after leaving the oral surgeon with an appointment for next week, I went to get some coffee at Dunkin. There was a flier lying near the door for some kind of real estate company- and this flier spoke to me.

It said:
Tired of being listed?
Get sold.

In a larger context, dating is a lot like buying or selling a house. We don't want to scare off the potential buyer with all our emotional baggage or smelly basements- but we intrigue them enough with pretty chandeliers and a fresh new mailbox (curbside appeal is important- I watch House Hunters...). And yes, usually, it ends up blowing up in our faces, but just once,I think it would be nice to be sold to someone (someone who cares). And furthermore, a real man actively pursues a deal and will fight for the house he wants.

Oh metaphors.... I really do love them.

On Love, In Sadness

First of all, this blog post title comes from the wonderful Mr. Jason Mraz. It was chosen because of a recent conversation Java and I had where we were trying to decipher the lyrics. I thought the chorus talked about, "Love is a riddle madness"
and she thought it was, "Love is a bitter madness."
Here's the shocker: its neither. Mr. Mraz says,"Love is a brittle madness." Indeed, love is quite the brittle madness.

So, back to what this post is about: relationships. Shocker! After spending virtually an entire weekend with plenty (at lead 7 or 8) totally adorable and happy friend couples (love you guys), I've been pausing for some serious reflections on past relationships and what I've learned from them. Here it goes:

What I learned from past relationships (or sometimes lack thereof):

1. Sometimes you can't force yourself to feel more about someone.
(AKA- the reason things don't always work out when you move from a friendship to a relationship.) And although you feel awful for it, after some trying, its time to be honest.

1a. HONESTY IS IMPORTANT
to be honest to yourself, and your significant other, your friends...

For instance: if you promise to quit your occasional nasty smotking habit because your girlfriend thinks its gross (IT WAS), don't tell her its done and get caught by her sitting outside smoking, alone, under a tree, like you don't have a care in the world. This is how people lost trust in you. And if you are caught, don't say things like, "Yeah, well I'm gonna stop soon. Why are you mad at me?"

HONESTY Point two: THE MAYBE FACTOR
If you don't like someone, don't string them along. Its going to make things worse. Feelings always get involved. And if you think you might be able to work things out later (not like, oh after I date someone else later), then tell them. Give them the option to say "No I don't want to be put on your shelf."

HONESTY Point three: having 'the talk'
Now the talk has various stages- from "what does this kiss mean" to "do we have a future together," but whatever it is, the more you put it off, the worse the answer will be.

2. You can't change someone that doesn't want to be changed.
Duh...... Its a hard truth to learn. But someone who makes a promise and continually fails is not going to change on their own accord.

3. Its noble to want to be friends after a breakup...
.... but it takes time to get there, if ever. Things will never be the same. Sometimes its weird to not have that close connection with someone who sued to be a part of your life, but eventually it gets easier.

4. If you really want to see the person, you will find a way to see them,
If you're like eh, whatevs, I don't need to see you now, or tomorrow, but how about next week?....then you're probably not that into him. And vice versa.
If you want to race home from work to see their dog enter a talent show, then you really do care.

5. Its not all flowers and candy.
Trust me, I really like flowers and candy. But a smiley face text after a crappy day can mean even more. And soemtimes watvching a movie in is nicer than going out for a fancy dinner. READ ME: Fancy dinners should still happen on occasion.

6. Guys have feelings. Sometimes, a lot of feelings.
And yes, they usually have trouble expressing them. And sometimes, they express too much. Well we're all human. It's kinda cute, as long as they don't start sobbing. Nothing kills your feelings for a dude like hearing him complain like hes having his man period.

7. "Lets be friends" has different gender meanings.
see the binary scale

8. No matter how much you talk about (sports scores, Vin Disel movies, cars, wrestling, anything that makes people covered in mud, episodes of jackass).... I will never care.
Sorry dude, that's why you have friends. I will respect this and not tell you everything about Grey's Anatomy, the amazing shoe sale I went to, my concern for the Kardashian family's well being, with the exception of gushing about the pretty doctor men.

Now some of this knowledge seems slightly on the negative side (hey I'm speaking the truth), so the last two are some positive things I've learned.

9. If you find someone who can tolerate you (AKA- they don't think you're a complete basket case/princess/jock/brain/screwup- yes, I just referenced Breakfast Club), hang on to them dearly. Because seeing my cute happy friends, there are people like that out there. That think your quirks are funny, and high five your "thats what she said" jokes.

10. PDA is a necessity for a healthy relationship (TASTEFUL PDA)
So you don't have to suck someone's face in a public forum... that's gross. But sometimes an arm around your shoulder or a quick kiss is nice. It reinforces two things- the person is not trying to hide your relationship) and it shows happiness. It makes you happy to show people that you have a relationship and you tolerate each other in a loving way.

How do you know? - Movie vs. Life

I just finished watching the Reese Witherspoon/Paul Rudd (and Owen Wilson) movie, "How Do You Know?" Now, the movie was about 2 hours, and at times the movie is a bit intense at times, but I really liked it.Why? It was hones,t true, to life, and at times fumblingly awkward but adorable. It raised some important points:

- Sometimes you really like someone but they don't make you happy.
- Sometimes you word vomit in front of someone when you want to play it cool.
- Sometimes meals are nice when they're 100% quiet.
- Sometimes talking to a near stranger about your life craziness can be the best thing.
- Sometimes you fall for the person you least plan to fall for.
- Sometimes your crazy "I think this is in private" freak-out can work to your advantage and make you seem crazy-adorable instead of crazy.

The greatest strength of this movie is that everyone was having a rough time. Between the varied issues of failed careers, relationships, crumbling family life, pregnancy... everyone has problems, and yes they tend to get in the way of our otherwise smooth lives.

The main characters found each other at not-so ideal times, but they really needed that person in their life. They often spoke in half-sentences, mutters, and wished they could rewrite conversations. The self-doubt that was on the surface of each character: Reese's showing up at Owen's apartment and asking to stay the night and not be asked about any crying or cuddling, Paul Rudd asking Reese (after he kissed her) if she had come downstairs to tell him not to wait for her, Owen leaving Reese a message where he says she can't see how sad he is (and he takes a photo with his phone to text her).

So, How do you know if someone likes you?
I'm guessing you often don't. Relationships are hard. Love is hard. Talking about your feelings (big shocker here people- is also hard). Unless you ask and be a little insane (see Paul Rudd staring at Reese through the window of the taxi she is sitting in- and her promptly telling him to stop staring at her like that). But there are times when you realize (miracle of miracles) that someone really does care for you. This movie offered a completely touching (and not overly sappy) scene where PRudds goes to find out if there is any chance between he and Reese.

Spoiler alert! PRudds shows up at Reese's lavish birthday party that her boyfriend is throwing for her, and he asks to talk to her on the beautifully decorated terrace. She has already been presented with a totally lavish watch (that is so not her) by the boyfriend, who says its a pre-engagement present. His dad gave his mom a watch and bam!- 7 years later they got engaged. PRudds got her a can of play dough and told her a sweet story about how it came to be a kids toy after it was originally used to clean walls. His final part of the story: its a great present for her because it shows that we're all one small turn away from getting the right fit. Conclusion- He gets her. He maybe even COMPLETES HER (Love Jerry McGuire)! She realizes she can be herself, totally herself (even taking an excruciating about of time to open her wrapping paper) with PRudds. Isn't that all we want? I know I do.

Playing With My Heart- Part 2

Subtitle: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back, and One to the Side
(no this is not the time warp)

When we left off, I texted Fred after a great night out and said "If i didn't know any better, I'd say you like me........

Fred sees my text and raises me one: I'd say you like me too.

My response: Maybe I do.....

Which led to a long conversation. It took place in two parts.

The endgame:
"I like you and talking to you. You make me happy. I'm not in a place where I want to pursue a relationship right now. I want to keep seeing you and see where it goes."

My first thought, "What? Are you kidding?"
My second:"Why?" (Although he clearly outlined reasons why- job transition, unresolved ex issues)
My third: "I'm kinda not surprised."
My fourth: "I wish Taylor Swift was here right now to lead me in a song."
My fifth: "Where's the candy?"

The sixth thing I thought, back in adult mode: Hmm, honesty, it was quite refreshing. Not the #1 thing I wanted to hear, but direct and not game-ridden. Perhaps men aren't going the way of pagers, as several news outlets and blogs are recently claiming.

The End of Men- The Atlantic Monthly
Where Have All the Good Men Gone?- The Wall Street Journal
Why A Real Man's So Hard to Find? -The New York Post
Sex is Cheap- Slate

Although the 20-Nothings, who I aspire to be one day, offer a great analysis of boys, guys, and men, which I definitely recommend checking out. I've read it a lot lately and compared all the males I know to each of the categories.

Back to Fred....
I did see Fred, again. We enjoyed an afternoon at the mall. We tried on hats, we looked for books, and he bought me ice cream. One weekend, two cheek kisses, three days of confusion.

COMMENTARY: 17's guide to texting boys

Like pickup lines, texts can crush a blossoming relationship. So I turned to a teen magazine for some advice to hook a boy:

The worst:
I think you're suffering from a lack of vitamin "me" ☺
- Could a girl sending this seem more desperate?

It's 10:10! Time to make a wish
- Are you texting a girl? An 11-year old girl? Guys don't respond well to this kind of stuff.

Uh oh, I think my <3 went missing. Did you steal it?
- His likely answer: No. Cray cray girl alert!

Let's refer to Anshton Kitcher's December article about texting killing romance. Ironically written by a guy who tweets 100 times a day, he makes a good point. Affection is truly better expressed through speech, or hey maybe a nice letter. There's a reason they're called "love letters." 160 characters cannot express enough.

Surprise: Boys DO Care About Valentine's Day

Leave it to us to find the two most maladjusted guys....

Comments about Valentine's Day included:
"Wah I'm Alone."
"In case you didn't know, I don't have a valentine."
"At least I can get free candy tomorrow."
"So on Valentine's Day everyone makes a pic of them and their significant other kissing. Happy Valent.....eh I'm over it."
"Even my mom has a date."
"Happy singles awareness day."
"First valentine's day alone in 7 years."
"Don't send me a card. Cards are overrated."

Might I suggest they take a chill pill and clean up their mascara? Too harsh?
But like sour patch kids, they're sour, then sweet. And we still want them? But do they want us? To be continued???

Silly Love Songs: What GLEE Taught Me About Valentine's Day

When I was watching this week's Valentines Day GLEE Episode (where all of the characters are running around trying to get with someone for Valentine's Day or show their love to their other half), I realized something crucial.

Here is another shocking case of everything we were brought up to believe about relationships as kids has changed. In elementary school and middle school, we're all about giving out valentines, sending candy grams, and showing our friends, classmates, and crushes how much we like them. Keep in mind I always had the coolest Valentines from Looney Tunes and Power Rangers to 98 degrees and Grey's Anatomy. This pattern continues on through high school, and maybe even college, as we try so hard to get it known that we love someone and we want that love returned. Now in college, its easy to drink too much and run off with a lonely person sitting next to you.

But suddenly, school is gone, and the rules have flipped around. The last thing you want to do is start something around Valentine's Day. It's too much pressure, it sends the wrong message too soon, and the only things you can see are romantic comedies about people in your exact situation or bloody horror films. You end up like Topher Grace and Anne Hathaway in Valentine's Day, attending a 4-course lover's meal on your first date.

Is it too much to ask for a happy medium?

Middle School Dating

Remember in middle school when someone liked someone else, and all their friends tried to push the couple together?

Here's a little ancedote.
Fifth grade: my best guy friend Tommy^ and one of my best girl friends, Gina^, liked each other. I, naturally as a born romantic, asissted in getting them together. Gina sometimes came over to my house so Tommy (who lived next door) could come hang out with us. They were cute. They dated on and off until 9th grade. Now sadly I can tell you they didn't stay together forever. But they did remian friends in high school. Gina is actually getting married to another guy.

Now flash forward to your twenties.
Here's the shocker. NOTHING has changed. Dating is like middle school all over again. There's still the endless messages and endless analyzing of those messages with your friends, although its gone from ims to ims and texts now. Plus since the invention of Facebook and Twitter and all those other social networking things, you can now torture yourself with analyzing wall posts, status updates, and messages from another girl who may or not be "just a friend."

Then comes the in-person meetings.
It starts with a group event. It's always a group event. You orchestrate a whole big thing, forcing friends to come "in case it gets awkward" and so you can show off your breezy personality in a warm and supportive setting. Then your friends (who are all in on it) decide to take the situation into the own heands with one mission- get you two together. It's the subtleties- "Oh Gina likes dogs too. You two should discuss dogs (wink)." Then it moves to "Why don't you sit next to Tommy, I need to sit on the small single chair because my back hurts." But you appreciate it, love it, and are relieved that now you're sitting next to the person of your affections.

Now sadly I can tell you Gina and Tommy didn't stay together forever. But they did remain friends in high school. Gina is actually getting married to another guy soon.

^Names have been changed.