Facebook Relationships

My friend and longtime facebook wifey of 5 years dumped me two night ago... in all seriousness, I'm handling it fine..... the children will have to learn to cope though.

To clarify, wifey wanted to make clear to her coworkers that we are not in any sort of real domestic partnership, because those are legal now, but they weren't when we first got facebook "engaged."

Thanks to M for 5 great years!

On Love, In Sadness- Part Deux

Tonight I learned that my friends, who had been dating for 6 years total, engaged for a year, have split up. It was pretty shocking for a few reasons. First of all, it just sucks. It sucks when your friend ends a serious relationship, especially with someone they planned to spend their life with. Secondly, it sucks because it happened to two of my friends. I was friends with both parties before the two got together and I could never imagine having to give up my friendship with either of them. That being said, they live several hundred miles away, so we didn't have the opportunity for weekly poker games that might regularly bring up this awkwardness. More importantly, what do I say to them?

What happened between them is their business and I respect that. It seems that they reached a point where they realized that getting married would frustrate them more than make them happy. That is a tough decision to come to, no matter how much you know it's the right thing to do. I'm so proud of them for being adults and figuring things out before going ahead with a wedding, as I'm sure a lot of people do, with the divorce rate being what it is today. I love them both, no matter what. No party fouls here!

So where does that leave us, the friends? One of my friends pointed out, they seemed like a sure thing, a "role model" of a couple that gave you hope you could have something special. My mind immediately went there too, to a quote from a season 6 episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer when Xander leaves Anya at the altar. Buffy and her friends try to make sense of the situation and she says, "I thought they were my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess it was just a train..." So if this is what being a grown up is like, I wouldn't mind going back to being a kid for a day.

That's What Friends Are For

Happy 2012! I think it has been decided this will be the year of the friend! I'd like to take this moment to just thank my pals and true buddies for being there. Showing up is half the battle, and listening is usually the other part. I'm very lucky to know there's a few people that have my back no matter what- and are there to agree with something I say no matter how silly it seems. And I'm pretty sure that if it came to it- they will pin me down and shoot eyedrops into my eyes or convince a greek priest to marry me on a moment's notice. So, thanks guys! Love ya lots.

PS- you know you have true friends when they call you up and karaoke a song to you. You've welcome VMB! Hope we weren't too loud.

Awkward: Log Flume for 5

Super-awkward.......

As far as my definitions for situations on a hierarchical level of personal hell go (think DANTE's INFERNO), I think I've added a new situation. Now I'm contending my recent amusement park trip against my previous most awkward post-relationship moment- being stuck sitting next to my ex-boyfriend on a train, while my friends sat in the row in front of me, less than 24 hours after we broke up. When later confronted about the event they said, "Oh, we thought you might still have some issues to work out." No, our issues were pretty well settled as of last night, when I told him it was over. And by far the best quote came from a friend that was a little not-too-caught up to the news: "I didn't know you guys had broken up. I thought you wanted some couple time."

To return to my story, I headed to an amusement park this weekend with some friends, and Fred (he was invited by one of our guy friends, for the record). Fred and said friend (lets call him Greg) showed up to the event wearing superhero capes. For anyone that's been out of the loop, I have barely spoken to Fred three months. I did attend his birthday party (with mild protest) earlier this month after receiving a personal invitation. In said invitation (via text), he said he would like to be friends again and he missed me from his life, as I am/was one of his closest friends. That said, it would seem reasonable that he might attempt to talk to me, right? Haha, wrong again.

While Fred did spend time apologizing to my friend for singing Stephen-Lynch style songs about her at the party, and time chatting with my other friend about various summer plans, he said nary a word directed at me. Let the record show I didn't say much to him either, but that's my prerogative as the hurt party in this situation. I don't have anything particularly nice to say to him, so I'm choosing not to say anything. But he, who (refer back to above) claims he wants to have things be different (as in me talking to him on a frequent basis in a polite and friendly manner), better learn to start the conversation if he hopes for anything to change. Even a simple "Hey how's it going?" might show some effort on his part that he actually means what he says. Why would I want to be friends with someone who can't even say hello to me? I'm not seeing any reason to be buddies or make any efforts toward forgiveness at this time. See his announcement via Facebook that he's dating a 19-year old AND the prior 'I need time to think things out, I'm not ready for a relationship yet' posts in case you've forgotten why this whole thing begun. So in essence, I'm issuing him a challenge (it has become known and my and Java's phrase to live by) - MAN UP! Real men say they are sorry (they don't text it), they make efforts to live up to their claims, in theory they tell the truth, and they don't do things that might reasonably make their friends upset.

Furthermore, I have so easily made a decision about what my plans are for 4th of July [as I had planned to take an annual road trip to the Birthplace of Freedom - AKA Boston - with my friends, (including Fred)]. Drum roll please- I'M NOT GOING! Not only will I get some much needed downtime, but I will avoid a weekend of uncomfortable tension- yay! And as an added bonus, I won't have to sit there and watch Fred and New Christine (an explanation on her name to follow in the next post) all weekend. Yes folks, he invited his child bride girlfriend on a trip he knew I was coming on. That seems to add another check mark in the "He's a douche" column for those of you keeping score. But rumor has it she's hesitant to go, because she thinks some of his friends hate her, (I was not mentioned in the grouping ironically enough) so I'm curious to see how this plays out.

So now that we're all caught up, let's return to my awkward moment. Fred did have the good sense not to try to sit next to me on any roller coasters, as I might have tried to hit him in the face with my hands and blamed it on gravitational pull (damn that G-force). But when our group decided to hit the log flume, it all went crazy. We decided it would be reasonable to squish 5 adults in a log flume (broken up into two parts and probably broken up best to accommodate 4). Everyone climbed in before me. I stood there on the turntable loading dock saying "Hey guys, where am I supposed to squeeze in?" Of course the only room to be found was to squeeze into the front, smack dab behind my friend and right in front of Fred. In another time and place (read 5 months ago), I would have been thrilled with this prospect; it would have made me giddy. But given the circumstances, it made me ill and uncomfortable. I could not wait to get out. So I sat in a log flume, Fred just inches away from me, my friend's ponytail in my face, and got ridiculously soaked. It was not my idea of fun.

Thoughts About Other People's Thoughts About Relationships

Nothing like McDreamy lamenting about his love for ferry boats to make me hope there might be a happy ending out there. Oh, Meredith just made a voiceover speech about lines, and how we shpuld have them and they shouldn't be crossed, then she tounged mcDreamy in the elevator. I can't honstly blame her, but she does have a point. Lines are good, and yes they sometimes isolate us, but if we don't know they're there, are we at fault for crossing them?

But nonetheless, through my own relationship pain- which is still too fresh to talk about, its fun to analyze other people's takes on relationships between ladies and dudes. Marie Claire blogger Rich just wrote a post about how he has a cadre of girl friends. Notice the space between the two words. we have girl, followed by friend, but not related to it. There is an intentional space that makes all the difference. It keeps feelings out, it keeps people in, and sometimes against their rational judgment. Ok, this may be colored a bit with my recent feelings. He lists the way his friends, his "editors" help him choose clothes, talk to (or talk like a coherent person) to girls, etc...

Now while all girls have this crucial support system to analyze guys (because if we didn't, we would have even less of a clue what they're talking about), I'm not sure it works when one of the people is a dude. First of all, it is a warning sign to a girl when she meets a dude with too many lady friends. Oftentimes, these friendship lines are blurry and there's always going to be jealousy. And if you're constantly managing what a dude says, and how he dresses, and he hasn't run screaming into the hills, you are involved in a relationship (albeit a possibly unhealthy one).

And although more evidence seems to suggest to me that men and women cannot be friends (see When Harry Met Sally). Why? Because if a dude can tolerate having coffee with you, listening to you complain about your boss, and makes fun of your horrible bowling game, and he doesn't want to date you but he still talks to you, you have a ticking time bomb.

So I also enjoyed readying the 20 Nothings take on dating by drinking style, or rather, drinking styles that doom relationships. In Jessie's take, many drinking styles will end a relationship. Perhaps she's got a point. Drinking plays a huge part in 20-something relationships. I recently had a friend that was going on a first date with a non drinker. she wsn't sure where tbhey would start. the date wnt fine, but he never called her again. In my opinion, a first date is an optimal time to have a drink to get past those "soo do you ... (insert random topic) questions."

This episode (episode 2) of Greys is coming to an end. Meredith agreed to let George and Izzy move in (breaking down her barriers), but she refuses to cross the line with McDreamy (for a few more episodes, at least). If only things were that simple.