Awkward: Log Flume for 5

Super-awkward.......

As far as my definitions for situations on a hierarchical level of personal hell go (think DANTE's INFERNO), I think I've added a new situation. Now I'm contending my recent amusement park trip against my previous most awkward post-relationship moment- being stuck sitting next to my ex-boyfriend on a train, while my friends sat in the row in front of me, less than 24 hours after we broke up. When later confronted about the event they said, "Oh, we thought you might still have some issues to work out." No, our issues were pretty well settled as of last night, when I told him it was over. And by far the best quote came from a friend that was a little not-too-caught up to the news: "I didn't know you guys had broken up. I thought you wanted some couple time."

To return to my story, I headed to an amusement park this weekend with some friends, and Fred (he was invited by one of our guy friends, for the record). Fred and said friend (lets call him Greg) showed up to the event wearing superhero capes. For anyone that's been out of the loop, I have barely spoken to Fred three months. I did attend his birthday party (with mild protest) earlier this month after receiving a personal invitation. In said invitation (via text), he said he would like to be friends again and he missed me from his life, as I am/was one of his closest friends. That said, it would seem reasonable that he might attempt to talk to me, right? Haha, wrong again.

While Fred did spend time apologizing to my friend for singing Stephen-Lynch style songs about her at the party, and time chatting with my other friend about various summer plans, he said nary a word directed at me. Let the record show I didn't say much to him either, but that's my prerogative as the hurt party in this situation. I don't have anything particularly nice to say to him, so I'm choosing not to say anything. But he, who (refer back to above) claims he wants to have things be different (as in me talking to him on a frequent basis in a polite and friendly manner), better learn to start the conversation if he hopes for anything to change. Even a simple "Hey how's it going?" might show some effort on his part that he actually means what he says. Why would I want to be friends with someone who can't even say hello to me? I'm not seeing any reason to be buddies or make any efforts toward forgiveness at this time. See his announcement via Facebook that he's dating a 19-year old AND the prior 'I need time to think things out, I'm not ready for a relationship yet' posts in case you've forgotten why this whole thing begun. So in essence, I'm issuing him a challenge (it has become known and my and Java's phrase to live by) - MAN UP! Real men say they are sorry (they don't text it), they make efforts to live up to their claims, in theory they tell the truth, and they don't do things that might reasonably make their friends upset.

Furthermore, I have so easily made a decision about what my plans are for 4th of July [as I had planned to take an annual road trip to the Birthplace of Freedom - AKA Boston - with my friends, (including Fred)]. Drum roll please- I'M NOT GOING! Not only will I get some much needed downtime, but I will avoid a weekend of uncomfortable tension- yay! And as an added bonus, I won't have to sit there and watch Fred and New Christine (an explanation on her name to follow in the next post) all weekend. Yes folks, he invited his child bride girlfriend on a trip he knew I was coming on. That seems to add another check mark in the "He's a douche" column for those of you keeping score. But rumor has it she's hesitant to go, because she thinks some of his friends hate her, (I was not mentioned in the grouping ironically enough) so I'm curious to see how this plays out.

So now that we're all caught up, let's return to my awkward moment. Fred did have the good sense not to try to sit next to me on any roller coasters, as I might have tried to hit him in the face with my hands and blamed it on gravitational pull (damn that G-force). But when our group decided to hit the log flume, it all went crazy. We decided it would be reasonable to squish 5 adults in a log flume (broken up into two parts and probably broken up best to accommodate 4). Everyone climbed in before me. I stood there on the turntable loading dock saying "Hey guys, where am I supposed to squeeze in?" Of course the only room to be found was to squeeze into the front, smack dab behind my friend and right in front of Fred. In another time and place (read 5 months ago), I would have been thrilled with this prospect; it would have made me giddy. But given the circumstances, it made me ill and uncomfortable. I could not wait to get out. So I sat in a log flume, Fred just inches away from me, my friend's ponytail in my face, and got ridiculously soaked. It was not my idea of fun.

Time to Bust Some Windows Out Ya Car

I am never asking "What did you do tonight?" ever again........

At least she's 18.

PS Fred- Consider yourself dead to me.

7 Days Without You- I'll Never Last THAT Long

To quote my favorite bloggers, the 20-Nothings, "So the bad news is that the number one American regret involves missed or failed opportunities at love and relationships."

Why does this matter to me?
My good pal, Fred, didn't talk to me for over 21 hours. I know, shocking right? Some flirty texts that began as of 8am yesterday petered off around 1pm, and the next message from him was at 11:30 am today. Nearly a day of not hearing from him and I'm freaking out, wondering if he took a long nap after work and slept until the next day, or worst case- he was in a horrible accident and I need to be at his bedside. Snap out of it girl.... In reality, he said he went out with a friend last night. So fine, no reason to panic. I only sent one text in those 20+ hours between 1pm and today, casually asking how his afternoon at work was.

The proble,- It's just that it felt strange not to talk to him at all for one night, like something was missing. Which leads me to the simple conclusion- I have really fallen for him. But if I say how much it bothered me not to talk to him, I drift into crazy stalker girl territory. We're not in a relationship, so I kind of have no right to be this bothered, but I am. So I stay quiet and cool. For now.

Playing With My Heart- Part 2

Subtitle: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back, and One to the Side
(no this is not the time warp)

When we left off, I texted Fred after a great night out and said "If i didn't know any better, I'd say you like me........

Fred sees my text and raises me one: I'd say you like me too.

My response: Maybe I do.....

Which led to a long conversation. It took place in two parts.

The endgame:
"I like you and talking to you. You make me happy. I'm not in a place where I want to pursue a relationship right now. I want to keep seeing you and see where it goes."

My first thought, "What? Are you kidding?"
My second:"Why?" (Although he clearly outlined reasons why- job transition, unresolved ex issues)
My third: "I'm kinda not surprised."
My fourth: "I wish Taylor Swift was here right now to lead me in a song."
My fifth: "Where's the candy?"

The sixth thing I thought, back in adult mode: Hmm, honesty, it was quite refreshing. Not the #1 thing I wanted to hear, but direct and not game-ridden. Perhaps men aren't going the way of pagers, as several news outlets and blogs are recently claiming.

The End of Men- The Atlantic Monthly
Where Have All the Good Men Gone?- The Wall Street Journal
Why A Real Man's So Hard to Find? -The New York Post
Sex is Cheap- Slate

Although the 20-Nothings, who I aspire to be one day, offer a great analysis of boys, guys, and men, which I definitely recommend checking out. I've read it a lot lately and compared all the males I know to each of the categories.

Back to Fred....
I did see Fred, again. We enjoyed an afternoon at the mall. We tried on hats, we looked for books, and he bought me ice cream. One weekend, two cheek kisses, three days of confusion.

Surprise: Boys DO Care About Valentine's Day

Leave it to us to find the two most maladjusted guys....

Comments about Valentine's Day included:
"Wah I'm Alone."
"In case you didn't know, I don't have a valentine."
"At least I can get free candy tomorrow."
"So on Valentine's Day everyone makes a pic of them and their significant other kissing. Happy Valent.....eh I'm over it."
"Even my mom has a date."
"Happy singles awareness day."
"First valentine's day alone in 7 years."
"Don't send me a card. Cards are overrated."

Might I suggest they take a chill pill and clean up their mascara? Too harsh?
But like sour patch kids, they're sour, then sweet. And we still want them? But do they want us? To be continued???

When I Get You Alone???

Let's suppose for a minute you meet a guy through mutual friends, several years ago. You continue to meet over the years. You went to college together, but you weren't friends then. But now you are. Very good friends. Before you can count, you have fallen for him. Hard. You talk about everything- except what this is. You feel like you're in a relationship with Fred^, but are you?

Here are the positive signs:
- He's flirty.
- He asks specific details about your day.
- He tells you about his day.
- He watches tv at the same time as you and discusses it.
- He sends you music you might like.
- He plays his guitar for you.
- He says he does not think you are a flake.
- He tells you about his past relationships.
- He texts absurd movie quotes. That you understand.
- He talks about his friends with you. Honestly.
- He makes some awkward conversation about not liking John Mayer, and then says "Well I have a live album and it's not too bad." (which you can live with)
- He invites you to hang out.
- He invites you to crash at his house when you are out late.

You agree to said invitation, after all it is late, and the friend you were supposed to stay with seems to have gone to sleep for the night. Then you get offered the futon. Then he says there's room in his bed. And you sleep. All you do is SLEEP.

And you don't know where you are now....... possibly more confused than before.


^Names have been changed to protect the confused.