On Love, In Sadness

First of all, this blog post title comes from the wonderful Mr. Jason Mraz. It was chosen because of a recent conversation Java and I had where we were trying to decipher the lyrics. I thought the chorus talked about, "Love is a riddle madness"
and she thought it was, "Love is a bitter madness."
Here's the shocker: its neither. Mr. Mraz says,"Love is a brittle madness." Indeed, love is quite the brittle madness.

So, back to what this post is about: relationships. Shocker! After spending virtually an entire weekend with plenty (at lead 7 or 8) totally adorable and happy friend couples (love you guys), I've been pausing for some serious reflections on past relationships and what I've learned from them. Here it goes:

What I learned from past relationships (or sometimes lack thereof):

1. Sometimes you can't force yourself to feel more about someone.
(AKA- the reason things don't always work out when you move from a friendship to a relationship.) And although you feel awful for it, after some trying, its time to be honest.

1a. HONESTY IS IMPORTANT
to be honest to yourself, and your significant other, your friends...

For instance: if you promise to quit your occasional nasty smotking habit because your girlfriend thinks its gross (IT WAS), don't tell her its done and get caught by her sitting outside smoking, alone, under a tree, like you don't have a care in the world. This is how people lost trust in you. And if you are caught, don't say things like, "Yeah, well I'm gonna stop soon. Why are you mad at me?"

HONESTY Point two: THE MAYBE FACTOR
If you don't like someone, don't string them along. Its going to make things worse. Feelings always get involved. And if you think you might be able to work things out later (not like, oh after I date someone else later), then tell them. Give them the option to say "No I don't want to be put on your shelf."

HONESTY Point three: having 'the talk'
Now the talk has various stages- from "what does this kiss mean" to "do we have a future together," but whatever it is, the more you put it off, the worse the answer will be.

2. You can't change someone that doesn't want to be changed.
Duh...... Its a hard truth to learn. But someone who makes a promise and continually fails is not going to change on their own accord.

3. Its noble to want to be friends after a breakup...
.... but it takes time to get there, if ever. Things will never be the same. Sometimes its weird to not have that close connection with someone who sued to be a part of your life, but eventually it gets easier.

4. If you really want to see the person, you will find a way to see them,
If you're like eh, whatevs, I don't need to see you now, or tomorrow, but how about next week?....then you're probably not that into him. And vice versa.
If you want to race home from work to see their dog enter a talent show, then you really do care.

5. Its not all flowers and candy.
Trust me, I really like flowers and candy. But a smiley face text after a crappy day can mean even more. And soemtimes watvching a movie in is nicer than going out for a fancy dinner. READ ME: Fancy dinners should still happen on occasion.

6. Guys have feelings. Sometimes, a lot of feelings.
And yes, they usually have trouble expressing them. And sometimes, they express too much. Well we're all human. It's kinda cute, as long as they don't start sobbing. Nothing kills your feelings for a dude like hearing him complain like hes having his man period.

7. "Lets be friends" has different gender meanings.
see the binary scale

8. No matter how much you talk about (sports scores, Vin Disel movies, cars, wrestling, anything that makes people covered in mud, episodes of jackass).... I will never care.
Sorry dude, that's why you have friends. I will respect this and not tell you everything about Grey's Anatomy, the amazing shoe sale I went to, my concern for the Kardashian family's well being, with the exception of gushing about the pretty doctor men.

Now some of this knowledge seems slightly on the negative side (hey I'm speaking the truth), so the last two are some positive things I've learned.

9. If you find someone who can tolerate you (AKA- they don't think you're a complete basket case/princess/jock/brain/screwup- yes, I just referenced Breakfast Club), hang on to them dearly. Because seeing my cute happy friends, there are people like that out there. That think your quirks are funny, and high five your "thats what she said" jokes.

10. PDA is a necessity for a healthy relationship (TASTEFUL PDA)
So you don't have to suck someone's face in a public forum... that's gross. But sometimes an arm around your shoulder or a quick kiss is nice. It reinforces two things- the person is not trying to hide your relationship) and it shows happiness. It makes you happy to show people that you have a relationship and you tolerate each other in a loving way.