Playing With My Heart- Part 2

Subtitle: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back, and One to the Side
(no this is not the time warp)

When we left off, I texted Fred after a great night out and said "If i didn't know any better, I'd say you like me........

Fred sees my text and raises me one: I'd say you like me too.

My response: Maybe I do.....

Which led to a long conversation. It took place in two parts.

The endgame:
"I like you and talking to you. You make me happy. I'm not in a place where I want to pursue a relationship right now. I want to keep seeing you and see where it goes."

My first thought, "What? Are you kidding?"
My second:"Why?" (Although he clearly outlined reasons why- job transition, unresolved ex issues)
My third: "I'm kinda not surprised."
My fourth: "I wish Taylor Swift was here right now to lead me in a song."
My fifth: "Where's the candy?"

The sixth thing I thought, back in adult mode: Hmm, honesty, it was quite refreshing. Not the #1 thing I wanted to hear, but direct and not game-ridden. Perhaps men aren't going the way of pagers, as several news outlets and blogs are recently claiming.

The End of Men- The Atlantic Monthly
Where Have All the Good Men Gone?- The Wall Street Journal
Why A Real Man's So Hard to Find? -The New York Post
Sex is Cheap- Slate

Although the 20-Nothings, who I aspire to be one day, offer a great analysis of boys, guys, and men, which I definitely recommend checking out. I've read it a lot lately and compared all the males I know to each of the categories.

Back to Fred....
I did see Fred, again. We enjoyed an afternoon at the mall. We tried on hats, we looked for books, and he bought me ice cream. One weekend, two cheek kisses, three days of confusion.

When I Get You Alone???

Let's suppose for a minute you meet a guy through mutual friends, several years ago. You continue to meet over the years. You went to college together, but you weren't friends then. But now you are. Very good friends. Before you can count, you have fallen for him. Hard. You talk about everything- except what this is. You feel like you're in a relationship with Fred^, but are you?

Here are the positive signs:
- He's flirty.
- He asks specific details about your day.
- He tells you about his day.
- He watches tv at the same time as you and discusses it.
- He sends you music you might like.
- He plays his guitar for you.
- He says he does not think you are a flake.
- He tells you about his past relationships.
- He texts absurd movie quotes. That you understand.
- He talks about his friends with you. Honestly.
- He makes some awkward conversation about not liking John Mayer, and then says "Well I have a live album and it's not too bad." (which you can live with)
- He invites you to hang out.
- He invites you to crash at his house when you are out late.

You agree to said invitation, after all it is late, and the friend you were supposed to stay with seems to have gone to sleep for the night. Then you get offered the futon. Then he says there's room in his bed. And you sleep. All you do is SLEEP.

And you don't know where you are now....... possibly more confused than before.


^Names have been changed to protect the confused.

Middle School Dating

Remember in middle school when someone liked someone else, and all their friends tried to push the couple together?

Here's a little ancedote.
Fifth grade: my best guy friend Tommy^ and one of my best girl friends, Gina^, liked each other. I, naturally as a born romantic, asissted in getting them together. Gina sometimes came over to my house so Tommy (who lived next door) could come hang out with us. They were cute. They dated on and off until 9th grade. Now sadly I can tell you they didn't stay together forever. But they did remian friends in high school. Gina is actually getting married to another guy.

Now flash forward to your twenties.
Here's the shocker. NOTHING has changed. Dating is like middle school all over again. There's still the endless messages and endless analyzing of those messages with your friends, although its gone from ims to ims and texts now. Plus since the invention of Facebook and Twitter and all those other social networking things, you can now torture yourself with analyzing wall posts, status updates, and messages from another girl who may or not be "just a friend."

Then comes the in-person meetings.
It starts with a group event. It's always a group event. You orchestrate a whole big thing, forcing friends to come "in case it gets awkward" and so you can show off your breezy personality in a warm and supportive setting. Then your friends (who are all in on it) decide to take the situation into the own heands with one mission- get you two together. It's the subtleties- "Oh Gina likes dogs too. You two should discuss dogs (wink)." Then it moves to "Why don't you sit next to Tommy, I need to sit on the small single chair because my back hurts." But you appreciate it, love it, and are relieved that now you're sitting next to the person of your affections.

Now sadly I can tell you Gina and Tommy didn't stay together forever. But they did remain friends in high school. Gina is actually getting married to another guy soon.

^Names have been changed.