I Have NTS

It's true.

I have developed neurotic text syndrome (NTS)

Pathogenesis: This disease lies dorment in shy, neurotic, socially awkward, homely girls who have difficulty dating. When posed with the reality of being interested in a guy, or encountering male of interest, or hooking up with a friend and not establishing what they are the morning after, she becomes completely incapacitated in his presence. Convinced that he could never possibly be interested in her, she becomes incapable of being in said male's presence and acting like a normal human being. At first, she can maintain contact via e-mail/text/letter/phone. However, as the diseases progresses, she finds herself unable to contact without deep amounts of thoughts. Further, once receiving a response, she is incapable of looking at said response for fear of rejection/loathing/mocking.

How To Diagnose:

1. debate texting male of interest

2. spend twenty minutes composing text to male of interest

3. finally text male of interest

4. receive text back from male of interest

5. refuse to look at text

Cures: alcohol

Related Diseases:

NLS (neurotic letter syndrome, original syndrome, mostly eradicated except in thrid world countries due to technology)

NEMS (neurotic e-mail syndrome)

NGAVARTLS (neurotic get a voicemail and refuse to listen syndrome)

AHWMWRLTATBYS (ahhh he's walking my way run like there's a tornado behind you syndrome)

God I hate how fucking pathetic this guy has me acting.

Remember ladies: ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS establish what you are post-hookup. Fo. Sho.