Sweatpants are Not Allowed...

... in public...

once you (a) have graduated from college (and only if its before noon in college),or (b) are very sick and on your way from the doctor's office to the pharmacy. It is a complete turnoff- on males and females. Sweatpants are not appropriate to wear:

a) to the mall
b) to a football game
c) the supermarket


Really?? No way dude.

And I saw people wearing them at all three places this weekend. Disappointing.

Booty Calls,,,

They're all fun and games until one of you is sober.

Which is when, you're like.... what the fuck did I see in you in the first place? Really? We did that? Why did I allow this to happen.

Oh wait, I had my 2 am beer goggles on.

So now your at home, trying to enjoy a low key Saturday night, watching as your cell phone inbox is inundated with texts that are written in a language where "jkaxbjk" is a word. All you can decipher is that this dude is begging you to come over because he "really likes you right now."

And it's not even 10 on a Saturday night. Hells to the no bitch.

Thus ends another sober Saturday night, wondering in disdain how you got yourself into this situation, vowing to never drink again, and contemplating printing out this handy agreement for future hookups.

Can't a girl get a break?

New Duets That Make My Heart Fuzzy

Yes, I'm copying Java's "fuzzy heart" songs idea and adding my own list. Enjoy these new summer duets that are pulling at my heartstrings.

5. Favorite Song
Colbie Caillat featuring Common
Catchy line: I be the beat that you wanna sing back / stuck in your head like I knew you would.

4. Run
Matt Nathanson featuring Jennifer Nettles (and Kristian Bush)
Catchy line: Yeah I run, run, run, / run right into you.

3. Jet Lag
Simple Plan featuring Natasha Bedingfield
Catchy line: I wake up, to your sunset. / And it's driving me mad. / I miss you so bad.

2. Stereo Hearts
Gym Class Heroes featuring Adam Levine
Catchy line: My heart's a stereo/ it beats for you so listen close. / Hear my thoughts with every note.

1. Don't You Wanna Stay
Jason Aldean with Kelly Clarkson
Catchy line: don't you wanna hold each other tight?/ Don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight.

What is Sexy?- A Man in a Nice Pair of Sunglasses

As Don Henley and later, The Ataris, once sang,

But I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

Nothing says "summer love that will last forever" like the song, Boys of Summer. And as it is the prime of summer, its time to talk about my favorite (and sexiest) summer accessory for guys, sunglasses. Maybe its the fact that you can't see exactly what they're thinking that makes sunglasses appealing, or maybe it just that you aren't faced with a guy that has the ever-awkward "squinty eyes syndrome." If I had to make a final reasoning for sunglasses, its that it just makes a guy look badass cool, and usually in a retro mid-20th century way. But there also must be a delicate balance of checking one's attitude, as to not come off as a complete tool. Check out some examples of men that make sunglasses sexier than any cabana boy.

Gavin DeGraw sports some particularly delicious Ranban Wayfarers in his new "Not Over You" music video. He sits around, eating dinner for one, playing his piano, and staring longingly out the window, eventually taking to the streets in some dashing sunglasses. What makes his torture even sexier? The slick 50's combo of the sunglasses and hat.


As philandering 60's ad executive Don Draper, John Hamm carries off the Aviators with flawless style. I believe look this was from a rare scene where he took his kids out to the park for the afternoon, making the infamous Mr. Draper even more hot dad -worthy.


Even in a promotional photo for Full house, circa 1989/1990, John Stamos is rocking sunglasses as Uncle Jesse. And I must proclaim, "long live the sexiness of John Stamos!" BTW, he looked very good in person when I saw him!


For a guy that spent almost a decade playing a pale-faced vampire, David Boreanez makes sunglasses look good. He's worn a few silly pairs or two over the years, but he usually enhances his sexy-factor by 200 percent by adding sunglasses. Especially when he's wearing them on BONES with a well-pressed suit. Sunglasses and a smile make a lethally sexy combination!


As an arbiter of cool (or uncool as some Maysayers say), John Mayer knows his accessories. He's got a collection of hundreds of watches, and I suspect many types of sunglasses too. This is one of my top favorite Mayer in sunglasses photos. Yes, I have more than one favorite. He's wearing sunglasses and playing a guitar in the other photo. There's also one of him wearing an Armani suit. Don't judge me!


But some people, no matter how much coolness they ooze, will never be sexy in sunglasses. Sorry Ringo, but this just doesn't do it for me.

Songs That Make My Bitter Heart Fuzzy: Spanish/Latino Edition

So despite my sciency inclinations, I was a Spanish minor in college. And I will attest that Spanish is a romantic language. No seriously. Gomez Adams was on to something with Morticia and the arm and the “Querida.”

It is SO true in real life [and I can say that with certainty of statistical significance].

Thus, for my second little music review, I’ve decided to go with some of my favorite sexy/adorable/romantic Spanish songs. And no, this isn’t your Enrique Iglesias/Shakira/Pitbull. That’s not to deny there awesome, but maybe expose you to something new!

Even if you don’t understand the language (or are too lazy to pull up Google translate), these songs are undeniably awesome.

So let’s get it started with the…

ADORABLE

Sie7e – Tengo Tu Love

I mean, who would ever thought the worlds most adorable love song would include name drops of Justin Bieber and Mariah Carey. An ode to being happy with the one your with, whether they can afford a hot tub filled with Avian water or not. This song has an undeniable beach-y feel, so if you love the likes of Jason Mraz or Jack Johnson, you’ll love this.

And dude does a cover of Don’t Worry Be Happy. I mean, what’s not to LOVE!

SEXY

Joey Montana – Tus Ojos No Me Ven

Ok given my last article, maybe I have a thing for men with the last name Montana. But this reggaeton song is fantastic. Joey sings to a woman whose so set on a man who treats her like crap, she can’t see him standing right in front of her. Good for a workout song, and for taking out your anger when the one you love chooses to ignore you. And the beat is SO friggen hot!

ROMANTIC

Taxi Amarillo – Si Te Amo

Translation: “If I love you.” ‘Nuff said.

Let the swooning ensue.

What Ever Happened To The Great On-Screen Couples?

An absurd question? I think not! Back when the old MGM studios were in charged, they had their favorite onscreen duos. The same couple might appear in a dozen movies together, but thanks to sizzling on-screen chemistry, it never got old. Lauren Becall and Humphry Bogart. Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant.

Why do I bring this up? Well, we all have a favorite, but I absolutely love (nay, j'adore-- yes, it requires French) Olivia de Haviland and Errol Flynn. They’re absolutely amazing in the eight movies they were in together. From 1935’s Captain Blood to 1941’s They Died with Their Boots On, the exceptional acting and sizzling chemistry between the two lit up the silver screen.

"Hello dahling, I'm a cad" -- actual Errol quote

I first fell in love with this couple as a kid watching the original 1938 The Adventures of Robin Hood. I love the story of Robin Hood to begin with- hell I purchased Robin Hood Prince of Thieves with my own money (there were tots American dudes running around crusade-era England! And MORGAN FREEMAN!).

Errol is the quintessential Robin-- brave, vigorous, and rockin' a pair of technicolor green tights. And Olivia, though clearly acting in a time prior to the woman's lib version of Marian, infuses an admirable spirit to her portrayal. She's gorgeous, gentle, but beneath you can see her rebellious side.

But what I really fell in love with was their chemistry. They just had it. Something that was missing from all the modern day movies I watched.

"Hello there Studly McTights!!"

Of course, once I realized they'd made ore than one movie together, I made it my own personal goal to view every Olivia-Errol movie. Haven't completed that goal yet. But another personal favorite in the collection is the Western, Dodge City. A bleak outpost town, full of crime. Errol is a Texas cattleheard who, after the death of a small child, agrees to become the sheriff and clean up the town. Olivia is the school teacher who (due to events on the wagon trail bringing her to Dodge City) despises, and later comes to love, Errol. The romantic tension in this movie is palpable, leading the viewer to wonder if they ever really did have an affair (You can read De Havilland's response to that question here). But dang, if I don't get chills every time I watch that movie.

Plus it contains a pretty epic bar brawl scene. Complete with singing bar skanks.

Cowboys and Indians? Sign me up, bitches!

I've also watched They Died With Their Boots On and The Charge of the Light Brigade. If your looking for lighter fare, that's definitely not what you want to watch. Both are historically based, with rather sad endings. But the acting is impeccable, and as always, the chemistry between the two actors amazing.

Which brings me to my big question: what ever happened to the great on-screen couples?

Sure we have, in the bigger franchises, classic "couples." But don't tell me fifty years from now people are going to look back at Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattinson and say "There was a couple with a spark." More like onscreen snoozefest of teenage angst. I don't want my grandchildren thinking Megan Fox and Shia Lebouf are the epitome of on-screen romance, when Fox was paid to wear little and scream a lot.

Who's left out there that have scored in multiple, unrelated movies together? The best I can come up with are Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, and my personal favorite (and one I hope to see in many more movies together because they actually do have chemistry), Leonardo DeCaprio and Kate Winslet.

As for me, I'll stick with Errol and Olivia. Gentleman, you have a lot to live up to. Especially when it comes to rocking a pair of green tights.

All that, and a winning smile...

Be Still My Heart: There's Still A Chance I Can Become A Princess

In case you were wondering, Prince Harry is still single. No he's not dating his sister-in-law's sister, Pippa as all the supermarket magazines claim. It would be totally weird if they did though, very "Brady Girls Get Married." Check out the theme song to the short-lived sitcom, The Brady Brides, which followed the made-for-TV movie. My real question, what was Alice doing still keeping house for these grown women????




Back to Harry, he is SINGLE. Be still my heart! Fake sigh! Maybe Kate Middleton and I can still be sisters!