DTR: Thoughts About Defining the Relationship

Well the uncertainty of "will we or won''t we" can hang in the air for a long while and sustain any real (or imagined, or imaged potential) relationship, there comes a time to define the relationship. And as most of us come to realize, a time to move the hell on from the person sucking your life energy and spare thoughts. Some of us will realize this quicker than others, as indicated by this handy dandy pie chart:

Chances are, the person that lets you think its complicated, wants to keep it No Strings Attached, or my other favorite, Friends With Benefits. As I further thought about the complications from getting friendly with friends, I have some thoughts on a great blog post by Thought Catalog, How to Define Your Ambiguous Relationship. Having lived through ambiguity, every text, "Saw Capri suns and thought of you," every ambiguous Facebook post, "You cheated at Candyland," leads you further down a path into ambiguity, and further into the multitude of awkward zones. And before you know it, you're so caught up in this, "What are we, does he care that way about me?"-ness, that you are about one tough friend hiding your phone away from drunk calling with the message, “Arrrrre you muh fuckin’ boyfrien’ or whaaaaaaaat, jesus,” as Joanna from Thought Catalog so articulately put it.

And when you reach that stage, there is a good chance any chance of relationship potential will be zapped by your blooming impatience, like in MV's new show Awkward. The thought catalog outlines these basic steps to defining a relationship (with my comments):

1. Obsess. (Telling everyone, even people you haven't talked to in years, this might be going somewhere. Talking to any male that will listen for advice on "how to handle" him).

2. Brainstorm. (How to run into him, events where you can be in close physical contact).

3. Befriend the person’s friends. (Even if they're hella weird. Attempt to pump them for information).

4. Balk. (Give him some "space" to figure things out").

5. Pull the trigger. (Including asking friend what he thinks of you, only to have said friend get hit on by guy (true story)).

6. Backpedal. (Tell everyone he needs space. Tell yourself he is an idiot, but so lovable).

7. Build resentment.(Over-analyze everything he says in the opposite direction. There's no way he went to the gym 5 times this week and couldn't send you a text. Really hate him. Watch movies with endings where everyone is miserable, and laugh while doing so).

8. Take another pass. (Tell him he is an asshole for even talking to you in the first place. Reprimand him for breaking your trust. Then say you will give him one last chance).

9. Cross your fingers. (Go out for a weekend with the girls. Pump the Beyonce!)

And here you have a chart version of the love/relationship cycle (assuming you actually make it past the DTR chat stage):

And my advice to avoid DTR, be upfront and honest. It's all too easy to play your cards close to the vest, not let him know if you clearly like him, just in case he doesn't feel the same. But being honest early on (don't be the girl he goes to to talk about other girls), and finding out where he stands will save much ambiguity and heartache.

Sweatpants are Not Allowed...

... in public...

once you (a) have graduated from college (and only if its before noon in college),or (b) are very sick and on your way from the doctor's office to the pharmacy. It is a complete turnoff- on males and females. Sweatpants are not appropriate to wear:

a) to the mall
b) to a football game
c) the supermarket


Really?? No way dude.

And I saw people wearing them at all three places this weekend. Disappointing.

Booty Calls,,,

They're all fun and games until one of you is sober.

Which is when, you're like.... what the fuck did I see in you in the first place? Really? We did that? Why did I allow this to happen.

Oh wait, I had my 2 am beer goggles on.

So now your at home, trying to enjoy a low key Saturday night, watching as your cell phone inbox is inundated with texts that are written in a language where "jkaxbjk" is a word. All you can decipher is that this dude is begging you to come over because he "really likes you right now."

And it's not even 10 on a Saturday night. Hells to the no bitch.

Thus ends another sober Saturday night, wondering in disdain how you got yourself into this situation, vowing to never drink again, and contemplating printing out this handy agreement for future hookups.

Can't a girl get a break?

New Duets That Make My Heart Fuzzy

Yes, I'm copying Java's "fuzzy heart" songs idea and adding my own list. Enjoy these new summer duets that are pulling at my heartstrings.

5. Favorite Song
Colbie Caillat featuring Common
Catchy line: I be the beat that you wanna sing back / stuck in your head like I knew you would.

4. Run
Matt Nathanson featuring Jennifer Nettles (and Kristian Bush)
Catchy line: Yeah I run, run, run, / run right into you.

3. Jet Lag
Simple Plan featuring Natasha Bedingfield
Catchy line: I wake up, to your sunset. / And it's driving me mad. / I miss you so bad.

2. Stereo Hearts
Gym Class Heroes featuring Adam Levine
Catchy line: My heart's a stereo/ it beats for you so listen close. / Hear my thoughts with every note.

1. Don't You Wanna Stay
Jason Aldean with Kelly Clarkson
Catchy line: don't you wanna hold each other tight?/ Don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight.

What is Sexy?- A Man in a Nice Pair of Sunglasses

As Don Henley and later, The Ataris, once sang,

But I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

Nothing says "summer love that will last forever" like the song, Boys of Summer. And as it is the prime of summer, its time to talk about my favorite (and sexiest) summer accessory for guys, sunglasses. Maybe its the fact that you can't see exactly what they're thinking that makes sunglasses appealing, or maybe it just that you aren't faced with a guy that has the ever-awkward "squinty eyes syndrome." If I had to make a final reasoning for sunglasses, its that it just makes a guy look badass cool, and usually in a retro mid-20th century way. But there also must be a delicate balance of checking one's attitude, as to not come off as a complete tool. Check out some examples of men that make sunglasses sexier than any cabana boy.

Gavin DeGraw sports some particularly delicious Ranban Wayfarers in his new "Not Over You" music video. He sits around, eating dinner for one, playing his piano, and staring longingly out the window, eventually taking to the streets in some dashing sunglasses. What makes his torture even sexier? The slick 50's combo of the sunglasses and hat.


As philandering 60's ad executive Don Draper, John Hamm carries off the Aviators with flawless style. I believe look this was from a rare scene where he took his kids out to the park for the afternoon, making the infamous Mr. Draper even more hot dad -worthy.


Even in a promotional photo for Full house, circa 1989/1990, John Stamos is rocking sunglasses as Uncle Jesse. And I must proclaim, "long live the sexiness of John Stamos!" BTW, he looked very good in person when I saw him!


For a guy that spent almost a decade playing a pale-faced vampire, David Boreanez makes sunglasses look good. He's worn a few silly pairs or two over the years, but he usually enhances his sexy-factor by 200 percent by adding sunglasses. Especially when he's wearing them on BONES with a well-pressed suit. Sunglasses and a smile make a lethally sexy combination!


As an arbiter of cool (or uncool as some Maysayers say), John Mayer knows his accessories. He's got a collection of hundreds of watches, and I suspect many types of sunglasses too. This is one of my top favorite Mayer in sunglasses photos. Yes, I have more than one favorite. He's wearing sunglasses and playing a guitar in the other photo. There's also one of him wearing an Armani suit. Don't judge me!


But some people, no matter how much coolness they ooze, will never be sexy in sunglasses. Sorry Ringo, but this just doesn't do it for me.

Songs That Make My Bitter Heart Fuzzy: Spanish/Latino Edition

So despite my sciency inclinations, I was a Spanish minor in college. And I will attest that Spanish is a romantic language. No seriously. Gomez Adams was on to something with Morticia and the arm and the “Querida.”

It is SO true in real life [and I can say that with certainty of statistical significance].

Thus, for my second little music review, I’ve decided to go with some of my favorite sexy/adorable/romantic Spanish songs. And no, this isn’t your Enrique Iglesias/Shakira/Pitbull. That’s not to deny there awesome, but maybe expose you to something new!

Even if you don’t understand the language (or are too lazy to pull up Google translate), these songs are undeniably awesome.

So let’s get it started with the…

ADORABLE

Sie7e – Tengo Tu Love

I mean, who would ever thought the worlds most adorable love song would include name drops of Justin Bieber and Mariah Carey. An ode to being happy with the one your with, whether they can afford a hot tub filled with Avian water or not. This song has an undeniable beach-y feel, so if you love the likes of Jason Mraz or Jack Johnson, you’ll love this.

And dude does a cover of Don’t Worry Be Happy. I mean, what’s not to LOVE!

SEXY

Joey Montana – Tus Ojos No Me Ven

Ok given my last article, maybe I have a thing for men with the last name Montana. But this reggaeton song is fantastic. Joey sings to a woman whose so set on a man who treats her like crap, she can’t see him standing right in front of her. Good for a workout song, and for taking out your anger when the one you love chooses to ignore you. And the beat is SO friggen hot!

ROMANTIC

Taxi Amarillo – Si Te Amo

Translation: “If I love you.” ‘Nuff said.

Let the swooning ensue.