Um... But It's Wet: A Counterpoint to the "Kiss In The Rain" Theory

As much as I love my darling Pippeppop, I feel that, like Fox News, we should keep things “fair and balanced.” And thus I shall provide counterpoint to the idea that girls like to kiss in the rain.

Now, to put it bluntly, I am not a romantic. Not in the slightest. I used to be. But after being overly romanced but not really treated all that well by an ex [you know it’s over when you can’t see him without wanting to scream “Man up!”], I don’t buy into all the chick flick crap. Also as a disclaimer, I’m not really into commitment. Basically, what I’m trying to say is, to quote my good friend J, “Woman, you have the dating mentality of a dude. That is why we like you.”

I say this as a disclaimer, because I definitely can understand why some girls like the whole idea of kissing in the rain. Girls who like the romance, the melodrama, the breathless anticipation of the moment before just before, when you’re both separated by only the tiniest drops of rain and the humid air and then *BAM* movie ending kiss.

Yeahhhhh... not buying it.

Let’s think this through rationally, peeps. First off, why are you in the rain to begin with? This is how you get sick. I know this, I'm getting a PhD in the biosciences for fuck's sake. Were you dramatically running away from him, hoping he’ll chase you down? Really? Really? One, I'm judging you a little. Two, be more mature and talk it out. Three, for Christ's sake, take your car. Thus, you will stay dry. Duh.

Speaking of cars, how are you getting home? Now you’re both soaked, which means when you ultimately return home in your vehicle, your car seats are going to get wet. And considering you may have leather seats, think of all the squelchy squishy noises your wet clothes are going to make against the seat. Awks. Farting noises: the easiest way to curb any desire for makeup sex.

Furthermore, I hate being cold. I hate being damp. And if you tried to kiss me in the rain, I’d probably be really grumpy and crabby, and ask you why you brought me out in the rain in the first place. I’d probably call you a dumbass. Because I, for one, would not go wandering out into the rain if I didn’t have to. And if I did, it would be to walk to the aforementioned car, to drive to my final destination.

So to conclude: Being wet is uncomfortable, will make you sick, and ruin your car. So if you’re dumb enough to try and kiss me in the rain, I will probably punch you. And it will probably hurt.

Trust me, I kickbox.

Aside: However, due to my love of Pippeppop, I will share with you the ultimate kiss in the rain song. Which is titled, most aptly, “Kissing in the Rain.” It’s by this sweet indie group called the Broken Family Band, and there’s only one video of it on YouTube, linked above, and it’s a total fan vid from Lost haha. Credit for song discovery must go to our friend M, who is a miracle worker.

Now go enjoy the sexyness that is Josh Holloway in that vid. And for the love of God, if you're gonna kiss in the rain, remember your friggen umbrella.